Contrasting Education Level & Xerox Prowess

Posted on July 6, 2011 by Hotsauce 2 Comments

A strong body of research suggests that higher education is highly correlated with heightened abilities in high-order goal-oriented task completion (see, e.g., human civilization). Members of the following educational groups were compared: Preschoolers, Grade schoolers, Middle schoolers, High schoolers, GED Equivalents, Urban Achievers, College Undergraduates, Graduate students, and University professors. We hypothesized a linear relationship between educational level and ability to operate a Xerox copy machine.

Participants were asked to insert a symmetrical, black and white object (dimensions 8 ½” by 11”) onto a transparent flat board backlit by a green scanning device, apply pressure to a large, green activation mechanism, and remove the newly created black and white object along with its original counterpart.

Contrary to our expectations, it was found that education level and Xerox prowess are significantly inversely correlated (F = 5,023, p<.000000001).  Interestingly however, mimeographs of the gluteus maximus were found to occur at equal frequency across groups.

The most intriguing finding stems from the University Professors group. All participants in this group (n = 11) were unable to successfully complete the task. Responses varied greatly:  Calling out the names of Teaching Assistants who were not present (n= 4), hastily leaving due to “just having remembered a conference call appointment” (n=5), sobbing uncontrollably (n = 1), writing a passive aggressive email to a past Teaching Assistant with a CC to the Department Head (n = 1).

Handouts to accompany this abstract were supposed to be made, but there was a scheduling conflict between Xerox production and a very important conference call.

Keywords: Education level, Xerox, grapefruit, grapefruits, mimeographed Gluteus maximus, donut holes

Send comments or questions to:

Huffington Fox, G.E.D. Cambridge University

Frank Dimpleton, Southern Methodist University, North Dakota Campus

 

Sociology , , , , ,

Tennis Hooligans: An Ethnography

Posted on July 2, 2011 by chickie 2 Comments

While Football Hooliganism is a well-documented British sociocultural phenomenon (see, e.g., Smith and Smythe 1989), a small-but-growing portion of British working class male youths have been observed to engage in hooliganistic behavior at various amateur and professional tennis matches throughout England and in northern France.

Fig. 1: Manchester's infamous "Djokie" tennis hooligans

A small group of tennis hooligans from Manchester, England was observed for three years using traditional enthographic methodologies.  Their somewhat ostentatious choice of supporting Serbian tennis professional Novac Djokovic (see fig. 1, above) in a region that heavily favors British tennis professional Andy Murray exemplifies a performatively paradoxical behavioral dichotomy seen among the so-called “Manchester Djokies” in many of their life decisions:  On one hand, Djokies must constantly reaffirm their heteronormative, nationalistic, in-group status as working-class, young adult males.  At the same time, however, they struggle to portray an identity which is constructed around aristocratic French sports and handsome foreign men.  The result of the above is a culture which centers around manual labor, sports only covered on ESPN2, and West-Side-Story-style street violence.

Future ethnographic studies are planned on golfer Rory McIlroy’s entourage of ex-IRA militants, as well as the infamous band of croquet hooligans from Newcastle known simply as “The Wickets”.

 

Keywords: ethnography, Manchester, Wimbledon, Ringo Starr, Wickets, Ewoks, musicals, donuts

 

Please direct questions or comments to:

Selma H. Kermit, M.F.A., Eastern West Virginia University

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Frugal Approaches to Transcranial Magnetic Interference

Posted on June 29, 2011 by Hotsauce 1 Comment

The use of Transcranial Magnetic Interference (henceforth TMI) has proven an effective method for disrupting various cognitive faculties i.e., e.g., Moral Judgment (Hammerstein et al 1923), Theory of Mind (Hammerstein et al 2009), and the ability to remain seated without having to go to the bathroom (Hammer and Stein, forthcoming).  The Focused Undulating Coiled Kinescope magnet (henceforth, FUC-scope magnet) is the primary means of conducting such studies.

However, we here at the Laboratory for the Advancement of the Advancement of Science have recently discovered a more economically frugal means of achieving the same effects as the FUC-scope (henceforth, FUC-s).  This was verified through a series of two experiments looking at Theory of Mind and Morality Judgments.

A magnet of the classic horseshoe configuration (see Fig. 1) was procured from a scientific goods emporium (VII-XI) along with several slurpees, for a total of $5.61.  Expenses paid were not supported by grant money from any source(s).  In the first experiment, the magnet was repeatedly placed against four different locations of the anterior portion of the dorso-fronto-cranial epidermis.  Subjects were then asked a scripted series of questions (e.g., Do you have theory of mind now?  What about now???).  In the second experiment, the magnet was applied to the same portions of the dorso-fronto-cranial epidermis and subjects were asked a different series of questions (Would you kill your parents now?  What about now?).

Fig. 1 The magnet.

Results demonstrate equivalent efficacy between the utilization of the FUC-s in previous experiments and that of the horseshoe magnet procured at VII-XI for a fraction of the cost.  Follow-up studies are planned on hoboes with shaved-lead beards (see, e.g., Willy et al 1986) (see Fig. 2).

Fig. 2 Sketch of future subjects.

Keywords: magnets, interference, transsexual migration patterns, gorilla infanticide, donuts

 

Please direct questions or comments to:

Cornelius R. Coathanger, Jesuit University of Cleveland

Gabrius Gabber, M.I.T., Birmingham, Alabama Campus

Cognitive Science , , , , , , , , , ,